I thought I was so well prepared. I was sure Howard would see that this was important to me and that he wouldn't deny me my need. He's never denied me anything I really wanted before. Why did he react so dramatically this time?I had to rethink my situation. I love Howard. I know I do. But I need some excitement in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I need this. I need someone to help me feel alive and desirable. God knows, Howard is a wonderful lover. He fills me so completely and he is so thoughtful with me. I couldn't ask for a more considerate husband. But ... I need more.I've really made a mess of this. I've alerted him to my intention. I've stupidly caused him to doubt me. There is no way I can indulge myself if he is watching me closely. Why did I have to warn him? What kind of fool am I? I've just made it that much more difficult to have an affair.I've already made up my mind. I'm going to do this. I've just had a bad start. A poorly chosen strategy. I have to step back and rethink. Master is escorting a beautiful woman towards the door. Little one is surprised but keeps her composure. He introduces Little one to Joan and says this is my servant who has prepared an outstanding meal for us tonight. As Joan passes by her on entering she can smell her perfume and when master walks by she quivers hoping he will touch her but he does not and enters the house. She quickly serves the drinks master wanted when entering the house and announces dinner will be ready in 15 minutes, Sir. She moves swiftly to the kitchen to take care of the last minute details. She is confused why master brought home a woman and on Christmas Eve. It is not the first time he has brought women home and used them in a conventional way. He is master and master can do what he wants. But she was so hoping that she would be in his arms tonight and every night as far as that goes even just to be in the cage in his bedroom would help her even if he was using this woman. She removes the thoughts for.
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